Description of Dylrath Birdhouse's Unique Spells

(Or, as Arcade calls them, "Dylrath's Horrible Misbegotten Dweomers")

Gotcherfoot
Grabs target by one foot and hauls that foot to a height of six feet. May be laid as a glyph or cast directly onto a target.

Spelly Watermelon
Requires one piece of fruit as a component, prefereably a melon. When cast the spellcaster decides on a time delay up to 1 day per level of caster. When time expires, the fruit explodes. Messily. This spell's especially cool 'cause it's got an Arcade style verbal component:

   "Spelling melon, Melon dwelling.
   Melon swelling,
   Rebelling, propelling, expelling!
   Melon smelling."

Glomp
Spellcaster makes a gesture like blowing a kiss. A small magical dweomer with the texture of a fleshy object flies to target and affixes itself over the target's mouth, or nose and mouth, preventing breath, speech, or the passage of objects through the orifice.

Locate Eggplante
Replaces one random spell in target's memorized arsenal with a spell that tells them the location of the nearest eggplant

Rain of Fish
Causes 100 pickled herring to fall out of the sky onto target. Or soft-boiled eggs. Actually, 100 of anything, but the caster has to swallow the prototype item whole without chewing. Chewed items are too nasty. The conjured items last a couple of rounds and then vanish.

Dylrath's Breaches
When cast upon a living target, the target arches its back, becomes rigid, and is hurled one body length into the air, whereupon it falls over backwards. A whale cry is emitted during the leap, and illusory splash is generated when the target hits the ground, and the paralysis is released after contact is made with the ground. The spell may do 1d6 damage if the target lands on a hard surface (or more if the target winds up falling further than 1 body length due to terrain considerations, see falling damage rules)(or, err, drowning rules if the placement is really effective.) If max damage is rolled, the target loses consciousness for 1 round due to concussion (unless the head is well armored, or the target does not have a head, per se). Regardless of damage done, the target is typically lying flat on its back on the floor at the end of the spell, and probably loses at least an action.

Dylrath's Bucket
Cast the spell on a bucket (or similar object--kettle, cauldron, chamber pot, etc.) and leave the item lying somewhere (such as in a room where folks aren't supposed to be snooping). When someone steps into a five foot radius of the object, they become unaware of the item's existence until they have inexorably been compelled to place at least one foot (or other limb) into the bucket, whereupon the item sticks. It hangs on until a dispel magic or remove curse is cast, or the bucket fails a structural strength check. There is no reason the bucket has to be empty at the time of casting. Makes one hell of a mousetrap if you bait it with peanuts. Also works fine falling from on top of a half-opened door onto someone's head.

Transparent Clothes
Lasts 1 round per level. The clothes are still visible, but they are clear to everybody, not just the caster. It works even if they are taken off. While they are affected, the clothes are colorless. You get up to one layer of ordinary cloth fabric per level (controllable by caster). It doesn't work on armor or illusionary clothing, and thin glove type leather counts as two layers. Thick leather isn't affected at all. Useful to check for hidden traps, weapons and stuff, too.

Magik Fingerz
This spell lets you find out what stuff feels like without actually touching it. You can't move or manipulate the stuff, but you can tell its temperature, texture, etc. just as if you had put your bare hand on it. The touched object does not feel any pressure, heat, motion, weight, or etc. from your hands. You can stand up to six feet away and must have clear line of sight to the object. Useful for figuring out out what is in somebody's pockets or where the poison needle is in a trap or what Tao's bottom feels like without actually putting your fingers in jeopardy.

Tactile Illusion
Alows caster to create an illusion of the way something feels. The spell has a duration and the caster can vary the sensations continuously during the duration, but must maintain concentration. Dweomer can create heat, weight, pressure, cold, texture, motion, etc. simultaneously. There is no visual and no audible effect of the spell. If you create something like the sensation of a bug flying up someone's nose, they get to save versus it. Also, can use it to make someone think they've just walked into a wall. Or that a scorpion just crawled down their shirt, or there is a bit of dust in their eye, or there is something very sharp pressed hard against their vulnerable bits. Or that their foot is tangled in something, or something is silently breathing down their neck. Works great for screwing up blindfighters. Also reasonably useful for making a girl think you're still kissing her while you're already moving for the door. Target doesn't get a save if they really want to beleive in the thing.

Bottle Snayke
You can cast this spell on any small container. Then, when the container is opened, a giant feathered snake jumps out. The snake will appear to be three times the volume of the enclosed space. It is not alive and will disappear after 1 round.

Dylrath's Voracious Vermin
This spell creates 1d4 magical pests which consume material spell components. They can consume one component per round. They have a life span of 1 round/level of the caster. They stay on the person the spell is targeted on. They do not reproduce. Arcade said he'd ensure that I never had another chance to do that myself if I let them get started with that.

Chain of Disasters
Moves just like a Chain Lightning Spell, only the effect is that it causes the struck target(s) to fumble their next action, whatever it is, unless they save.